eyewitness88%
the most-watched tomato-hatred video on the internet. sixteen million people agreeing, in twenty-three seconds.
ANTITOMATO TV — the enemy speaks
31 videos about the tomato, watched so that you don't have to, each with one short note from us. press play to watch them here, or click a title to open it on youtube where the comments are. nothing is re-hosted — every one of these is the uploader's own video.
STATION IDENT
antitomato tv broadcasts continuously from the front. every film here is the uploader's own — we embed it, we do not re-host it, and we do not edit it. we simply report on it.
THE ROT METER
every film is rated for how much of it ends up being an indictment of the tomato. 100% means the tomato does not survive the video. 0% means the uploader is beyond help. both are useful to us.
VIEWER ADVISORY
contains tomatoes. no tomato in these films was harmed, which is the entire problem.
How Did Humans Domesticate Tomatoes?
confession91% rot meter
the tomato's own origin story, told by somebody who clearly loves them — and it spends twenty minutes proving our point instead. a scraggly nightshade weed on the coast of peru. a poison called tomatine sitting in the leaves, the stems and the unripe green fruit. two hundred years of europe refusing to eat the thing. aristocrats dying of their own lead pewter plates while the fruit took the blame. a one-gram berry swollen a hundredfold into a fist. it closes by announcing that everything valuable about the modern tomato was created rather than found. we agree with the sentence completely. we just draw the opposite conclusion from it.
this broadcast is brought to you by the coalition for the eradication of the seed. because one tomato is one too many.
Why did people think tomatoes were deadly?
historical record97% rot meter
sixty-six seconds of a history channel saying it out loud. the european aristocracy called it the poison apple, grew it as an ornament and would not eat it, and believed it could kill a man. the deaths were real — the cause was the lead in their pewter plates reacting with the tomato's acid. only the rich could afford the plates, so only the rich could be poisoned, which is the closest thing to a class analysis ever delivered by accident on this subject. it notes, in passing, that tomatoes were grown to be seen and never eaten, sort of like a victorian child. then it stops one sentence too early.
tonight's forecast: cloudy, with a chance of salad. you have been warned.
Tomatoes Are AMAZING & Why You Should Eat Them
enemy propaganda34% rot meter
the enemy's best case, made in good faith by a nutritionist standing in a garden full of them — and even he cannot get through it without conceding the essentials. do not eat the leaves, they are toxic. the plant carries a toxin that is genuinely bad for you. the goodness is in the skin, which is the part everyone leaves on the plate. you have to cook it to get the benefit, and you have to add fat, because a tomato cannot stand up on its own. sixteen minutes in he admits he cannot face a big chunk of raw tomato either. and it ends, as it always ends, with a recipe that hides the tomato inside something else.
membership of the front is free. the only qualification is that you have already been disappointed by a tomato.
TONIGHT ON ANTITOMATO TV
complete listings. the times are fiction — the films are not.
- 18:00the confessionHow Did Humans Domesticate Tomatoes?21:51 · 91% rot
- 19:30the poison appleWhy did people think tomatoes were deadly?1:06 · 97% rot
- 20:00the main featureAttack of the Killer Tomatoes (1978) — Full Movie1:23:24 · 100% rot
- 21:30the enemy's hourTomatoes Are AMAZING & Why You Should Eat Them18:01 · 34% rot
- 22:00the short filmsPeople who ‘hate tomatoes’ but eat everything with them0:23 · 88% rot
- 22:30the late propagandaI love tomatoes0:07 · 0% rot
- 00:00night school: botanyThe Nightshade Family (Solanaceae): The Botany of Potatoes, Tomatoes…10:13 · 90% rot
transmission is continuous. programming is subject to change, and to the tomato.
THE REST OF THE DIAL
28 more, sorted by who is talking. press the poster to play it without leaving the front.
THE TOMATO HATERS
the other side of the room — millions of people, most of them funnier than us, all saying the same thing.
eyewitness82%
the person at your table who orders the burger and then performs surgery on it.
eyewitness79%
eight seconds. that is the entire runtime, and that is how much of a conversation it needs.
eyewitness79%
the face we all make, performed 3.8 million times.
testimony100%
a man, a tomato, and a grievance. eleven seconds, no notes.
public notice100%
a public service announcement the whole movement can get behind.
THE DOUBTERS
history channels and health channels arriving, from opposite directions, at our position. we are not doctors and this is a satire site — watch accordingly.
historical record95%
ten million people watching italy's grudge explained in forty-three seconds. the country that now owns the tomato spent two centuries refusing it.
medical opinion61%
the claim that the small ones are worse. we have not verified it. we very much want it to be true.
medical opinion55%
asked and answered in forty-five seconds. it is a supplement company talking, and we are a satire site — weigh both accordingly.
field report100%
sometimes the title is the whole argument, and that is enough.
medical opinion72%
seven minutes on joints, nightshades, and the question every family argues about.
field report48%
fourteen minutes on the daily habit, watched so that you don't have to. bring snacks that are not tomatoes.
THE NIGHTSHADE FILES
the botany, said plainly, by people who are not selling anything — the plant family the tomato married into.
safety notice93%
the unripe ones carry more of the toxin. ninety seconds, one skull emoji, and a straight answer to a question the other videos on this page dodge.
botany90%
the botany of the family the tomato married into — potatoes, peppers, eggplant, tobacco, and the genuinely lethal ones. no sales pitch and almost no audience, which is what the internet is for.
botany87%
a gardener on the most deceptive plant family in the world — and the tomato is in it, growing quietly in your back garden while you read this.
LA TOMATINA
buñol, the last wednesday of august, one hour of organised tomato violence. there is already a page about this on the site — now there is the footage too.
eyewitness84%
the best explainer on the festival, from someone who went and came back covered in it. note the detail the festival itself admits: the tomatoes they throw are unfit to eat.
footage91%
nine minutes of 4K evidence. you will not be able to smell it through the screen, and for that alone you should be grateful.
wire copy89%
the wire version: an hour, thousands of people, and a street full of pulp that has to be hosed away.
KILLER TOMATOES
1978 had already worked out that the tomato is the villain and made a documentary about it. all official uploads, embedding encouraged.
documentary100%
the film that told the truth in 1978, uploaded by the film's own channel. a million people have needed this.
documentary100%
the whole thing, eighty-three minutes, licensed and uploaded by the rights holder — so we embed it and do not re-host it.
title sequence100%
the theme tune, and the moment it first occurred to cinema that a tomato could be the villain.
documentary100%
they made another one this year. Organic Intelligence. the title alone is worth the click.
THE ENEMY SPEAKS
pro-tomato propaganda at full volume, including the single most-watched piece of it on the internet. know what you are arguing with.
enemy propaganda0%
twenty-seven million views, seven seconds — the most successful piece of pro-tomato propaganda on the internet. we cannot argue with the number. only with the fruit.
enemy propaganda0%
a doctor making the case for tomatoes as medicine. note the word powerful — that is exactly what we have been saying. we simply do not mean it as a compliment.
enemy propaganda0%
the strongest health claims anyone makes for the tomato, delivered with total confidence. if it really is that potent, ask what it is doing when it is not healing you.
THE RECALL WIRE
salmonella, over and over, from local news stations. it never stops, and it is never the last one.
wire copy76%
the Associated Press, 2008 — an outbreak investigation that eventually stopped blaming the tomato. click for the word eventually.
wire copy100%
the recall wire. it never stops, and nobody ever stops eating them.
wire copy100%
KTSM 9 News, the same day as the FOX Carolina recall above. two states, two stations, one fruit, one afternoon.
page last checked 2026-09-15 · ← read the briefing instead · back to the home front